i'm a little too strange for someone like you.

08 April 2009 @ 09:19 pm

I no longer blog here anymore, this blog is stale, old and full of angst. It was about time anyway. hurhur.

I have moved to a brighter place full of sunshine, dancing unicorns, rainbows and butterflies and dancing people - like the dude in the Visa Card commercial, where life is dandy and sweet.

But I won't delete this blog because from time to time, it provides me with a good read (entertainment value!) and it also serves as a reminder of what I used to be like.

Goodbye, goodnight.

xxxx.

yours 4evaaqaaaaa (back to the 1990s! hahahahaha)

Current Mood: sick

sick

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22 November 2008 @ 06:16 pm

Don't You Cry Tonight.

Me: Eh James, you have a dog??!!!!!! Can let me play with him/her???!!!!
James: Ya I had a dog. Went to collect her ashes today. ):
Me: N.A.

Thank god for sucky facebook chat connection because whatever that just took place was damm cock. And as much as I love dogs and should be sad over James' loss, I can't help but laugh at myself. SERIOUSLY SUMEI. HOW COCK CAN YOU BE. HAHAHA.

Before I leave, I <3 this song. awesome.

I never thought I would like anything by Guns N' Roses but I spent hours yesterday watching their videos one after the other ! Awesome music, I can't believe I used to say that they were the crappiest band of the 1990s. I should eat my own shoe or straw hat. dammit.

Don't you cry tonight, because there's a heaven above baby.

Current Mood: sleepy

sleepy

Current Music: Guns N' Roses - Don't Cry

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21 November 2008 @ 05:30 pm

WHO'S YOUR YOU?

I took some test that daniel did on his blog. HAHA.

One question: "Really?!"

***

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

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11 November 2008 @ 04:30 am

close your eyes so you dont feel them; they dont need to see you cry

"HI?! I AM A HAMMMBURGGGLLLAARRR!"

Finally, I'm done going through my ACL notes at 4.44am. God help me when I take the test tmrw. One step at a time ey.
While I was trying to find this big ass picture of myself, I came across a couple of old photos taken when I was a year 1 going on year 2. My gosh, how we've changed ! Charr looks extremely different, must be the eyeliner lah. (: loves. And dawn, omg hahaha. If I showed her the picture i've got of her , I think she'll puke. HAHAHA. okay maybe not so extreme, she'll roll her eyes, scoff and exclaim "PUI!/YUCKS!". HAHA.
And well, I've got pictures of certain people that I used to be alot closer to in my first 2 years in SMU.

You lose some, you win some.

In anycase, I love this big ass picture of myself. To happier times when my world was full of dancing unicorns, rainbows, polly pocket and strawberry shortcake. (:

Today is a brand new day and today I am happy. :D

good night ya'll. sexy time.

p.s baos sorry I couldn't talk on the phone, I had to study for ACL. Talk more later hokes (:

xxxx.

Current Mood: sleepy

sleepy

Current Music: Beyonce - If I Were A Boy

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10 November 2008 @ 11:12 pm

Take A Bow

As I've said before, death is never a happy thing. The passing of a loved one painful, but the aftermath of it is equally bad, if not worse.
I wake up each day feeling fine but throughout the day, somewhat somehow something happens and I go to bed with a heavy heart. All the unhappy things, the stack of notes waiting to be revised, family issues etc have taken a toll on me. But I know at the end of it all, I'll get through it with God's help. There's nothing that God and I cannot handle each day. (:

But you're just a boy
You don’t understand
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you’ll wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her
You don’t care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you've taken her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed
But you're just a boy

BEYONCE - IF I WERE A BOY. AWESOMEEE.

Maybe someday I'll write you a postcard to thank you for everything you have done for me, for the lessons I learnt along the way and how everything just made me stronger and a better person. I believe I wouldn't have grown this much if not for the break up. No matter how much it hurts, I know that I'll just be fine.

I choose to see that the glass is half full instead of half empty. Life's too short for regrets. What happens in the past, stays in the past.

xxxx.
r

Current Mood:

thoughtful

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09 November 2008 @ 12:41 pm

How Do You Cure This Aching Heart?

Death and break ups are never a happy thing. The feeling gives no warning of its own; it just zooms in and makes me crumble when I'm up doing my report at 3am. I burst into tears unknowingly because the feeling of knowing someone is gone forever just makes me feel as if I'm in some bottomless pit and there's no way I'm going to get out. And then I think of my break up and I start to cry all over again because losing my best friend is just too painful and costly to bear sometimes and above it all I really miss his company.

I remind myself everyday why I make a good catch and then I get angry at myself and start to ask the whys. If I am really that good why did he leave? why why why. But before you think I'm still stuck in denial and cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel I assure you I'm no where there. I accept and understand that I cannot make someone love me no matter what a good person (i think) I am. Similarly if I'm a really horrible and fucked up kid it doesn't mean that no one's going to love me as well. There's simply no whys and hows; if it's there its there and if not then too bad.

Sometimes some nights are just too hard to get through and I find myself slipping down the bottomless pit. Things that mattered to me have taken a backseat and I realised that my words are increasingly peppered with fucks. I want to get out of my own skin break out of everything that's holding me back and just run and run to no where in particular. Just away from everything.

How do you cure this aching heart? Why is it taking so long? I am tired of pulling myself up everytime I slip and fall. I want to stay below and just cry and turn into a mess but then time doesn't allow me to do so. I cannot deny that I have been somewhat happy for the last 13 weeks; thank god for all my friends but sometimes in the middle of the night I lie awake and stare at the ceiling and my heart aches so badly because I miss him so much. I miss talking to him the most and getting advice from him. We never ran out of things to say; we only ran out of feelings.

Perhaps something I can look forward to would be my trips to BKK & HK and my smashing 21st. Well not really smashing but it's a way of appreciating the good things I have in life - like genuine friends & family. I might take up learning how to play the drums if I'm not too tired. It's been 6 months and I'm holding on well. Slowly but surely I know just that sometimes I wished I could get through this faster. Oh wells. Must be the stress talking.

Be strong be strong kid.

Current Mood:

stressed

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03 November 2008 @ 10:48 pm

take my breath away

Thanks to AMA last Friday I was horribly angsty about everything and hated the world and went back to sleep instead of celebrating halloween with the soccer girls or charby or baos. But all's good now. I had a good weekend steamboat dinner for mommy (XXX beef yums !) and canele chocolate cake courtesy of my lovely eldest brother. HEH. thanks kor.

And as usual to make me feel better about my AMA project I decided to shop and got myself a pair of very cool looking sneakers/loafers from zipia. Very chio no shit too bad I don't have any pictures of it to show you just how cool it looks. X)

I've been really busy of late over school ( I really wonder how can anyone ever be in a relationship when school just sucks the life and time out of you??!) too busy to think of things or rather I think I gave up and just decided that some things aren't worth it and it shouldn't affect me at all anyway. Whatever you/they do is really none of my business. Period.

So I was just thinking of the past and decided that (hey!) I make quite a funny fun-loving girlfriend - think machine gun actions and talking rubbish about how I could swap ez link cards with xyz to enjoy the concession and somehow my scheme would allow him to enjoy the concession as well. Well I wasn't thinking about it until I happened to be at doby MRT and somehow memories just popped into my mind. And guess what I actually laughed over it how stupid I sounded and how childish and gross I looked to the commuters on the train. There is a very high chance that I appeared as some deranged girl back then. Hur Hur. I've got all these theories in my mind all these inventions etc. that are actually pretty funny you know. hahahaha.

In any case if you were to ask me I'd say I have no regrets when it comes to xyz. You're only young once and you only get to love this freely without hesitation / without caring what the world thinks / without really caring what the future holds for you. How many people can say that they did that? That's naivety and innocence for you because we all know with age comes a cautious heart. That isn't a bad thing of course but like what I said you're only young once and to be this 'free' is something we only experience when we're young. And of course you get to live under the the excuse of " she was only 18/19/20/21 what do you expect?" whenever you screw up.

Without a doubt I know that it wasn't the best way I could communicate my feelings for someone; in fact it could be possibly be one of the worst. But hey at least I got life lessons out of it and the whole experience allowed me to discover many things about myself. Personal growth they call it.

Anyway this entry wasn't supposed to be a sappy one and I hope it doesn't come across as one. It was supposed to be half-rant against half fucked project group mates but I shan't do it because I'm feeling quite at peace.

I hope life has been treating you good yo. :D

xxxx.

Current Mood:

cheerful

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31 October 2008 @ 11:05 am

fuck you

today i'm one pissed/angry and horribly emotional girl. fuck you and fuck you and fuck you again and all your friends. I hate you all and sometimes I wish you all would just drop dead and die and fuck off from the face of this earth - you'd make my life so much easier. fuck you once again and the best thing is - i get to say all this because imma brat.

so fuck off and die.

Current Mood: angry

angry

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20 October 2008 @ 02:59 am

American Tale - Somewhere Out There

Somewhere out there
If love can see us through
Then we'll be together
Somewhere out there
Out where dreams come true

TOO CUTE. X)

I was in such a horrible mood over the weekend that I bought two pairs of sandals to make myself feel better. I hate the feeling of feeling irresponsible - 21 years old and still like that (!). I hate the aftermath of screwing up my own life because I realise that I have to clean up after my own pile of shit since no one is going to do it for me. So instead of crying/moping/whining over it for hours like what I would have done 6 months ago I just texted a couple of close friends and decided to spend the day shopping to take my mind off it. I must admit I was this close to tears at 6.43 am in the morning because I felt so horrible. But all's good now. (:

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

You grieve you learn
You choke you learn
You laugh you learn
You choose you learn
You pray you learn
You ask you learn
You live you learn

- Alanis Morissette "You Learn"

Current Mood: sleepy

sleepy

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17 October 2008 @ 02:01 am

wonderful world

It's amazing that even in times like these I can still find the time and energy and actually have the capacity to be happy given that my hormones are acting up on me. My period is coming and my comma key is spoilt hence the long sentences. Gnomes dinner at thai express happy fwends oily forehead guy the dody bird gossip girl girlfriend convos with jl soccer and birthday parties and work at TMCC pretty much sums my entire week. AND OH ! NOT FORGETTING "BUNNY". TEE HEE. I knocked into the escalator railing bumped into some guy on my left and obstructed traffic flow for like 3 seconds. AND I had 2 great friends I quote charrby ' DAWN! Here ! This way intercept here !' HAHAHA

Yes i'm shameless. I know it. Just like how I made the MRT guy repeat his request for my number on purpose (cause its damm song and please only single people will understand the feeling and thrill it gives them to know that they're not that bad after all)and then gave a ' Sorry No.' reply. WAHAHAHAHA. BU YAO LIAN. HAO KOR. SONG !

HAHAH KBAI.

Don't know much about history
Don't know much biology
Don't know much about a science book
Don't know much about the french I took

But I do know that I love you
And I know that if you love me too
What a wonderful world this would be

Current Mood: sleepy

sleepy

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